I swear I didn’t create these children alone...
In the process of conception you were very present
Only for you it was just another deception while I was picturing us creating a home...
Now I’m left here as leader of another broken home...
Another single parent family in a society where it is normality to come from divorce, one night stands and babymother/father communities…

We were both raised by women that were abandoned by the men for whom they bore a seed
So I thought that we both agreed that doing differently was a necessity...
See for me pregnancy felt like a completion to the fantasy that I had created with the man of my dreams
And when we had our first baby, I grew up immediately while you regressed to behaving like a teen...
I raised her alone cause you were there but gone
It’s funny that you only appeared to sleep!
I stayed awake with her, making excuses for your fucked up behaviour and then beat myself up for being so weak!
But I wanted a family... so desperately
And the times that you were there, I would feel such happiness cause I was a success
No more broken family...
But yours was a different reality...
And while I was busy being your ‘babymother’
With other women you were indulging in moments of pleasure...

I guess subconsciously I started accepting that all of the responsibility was down to me
If these children were gonna have a happy childhood, it was up to me!
See you are the kind of man that can’t afford to support his children, but yet you’re never without a spliff!
You claim benefits, while I struggle with the little money that I bring in, but you keep telling me that at least I’ve got a nice place to live in!
You seem to be forgetting that providing a roof for your children is what you should be doing for a living!
And I’ve lost count of the amount of times that you’ve reminded me that I’m getting child benefit and child tax credits, so I must be raking it in!
And I guess that’s your excuse for not chipping in...

I don’t know if you have quite grasped this, but while you are sleeping in the morning, I’m doing the school run then running to the first of the many chores in my daily routine!
While you still go raving with your bredrins my social life consists of Disney evenings!
And although you barley make an appearance, you can’t even make an effort when it comes to Christmas and birthdays
Let’s not even mention first days, sports days and school plays!

You have a habit of manoeuvring the truth to make it bend to your ways
So that it justifies you being intoxicated every day...
You sit in pity although you have so many opportunities
But you would rather smoke weed, sell drugs and live illegitimately!
And I don't even know if it’s cause it’s all you know or if you actually get high from it, because it feels like everything in your world is only for the moment!
But you play the victim...

So now I’m starting to understand that your self-esteem being low is what kept my loves flow...
I don’t know if that makes me shallow, but I have a complexity with being helpful; and you were such a worthy cause...
So now I have to take some of the responsibility
Cause in reality it’s my fault for putting up with such stupidity!
But in your mind, you believed that no matter what you did, because I was your ‘babymother,’ I would stick around forever...

You think that I’m interacting with you because I care right?
I’m communicating with you after all this time, I’m calling your line!
I’m being nice and you’re smiling inside, thinking that you knew it would only be a matter of time, and then I would return to your side!
But you really have to believe that you can do as you please, cause I don’t want you anymore...
I know the idea may be difficult for your ego to conceive, cause in your world no woman walks out of the door
But our children is all I’m here for...

So at night when I watch our seeds and I stare into their eyes
I see two young beings that have the qualities of both mine and your side...
But hey you kinda see it but don’t really comprehend it and I have no more time for us to collide!
I have learnt to swallow my pride, and I compromise so I don’t have the drama in my life!
I won’t argue with you or talk about you badly
I will not exploit our babies
One day you will have to explain to them why you are absent from their memories...
So I hide the sorrow that I have in my eyes and tell myself that I will survive
Because you may see me as just your babymother!
But I am more than just your babymother...
I am the mother of your children, and right now I am also the father…